I have often thought of creating a blog for the purpose of sharing the … unique… experience of living with my family. I got a phone call tonight that seemed to me to be tailor made for the purpose.
There’s some back story here. Nobody in my family is really excited to be going to my sister’s wedding, which is next week. So tonight I was on the phone with my mother and somehow it came up that in the special alternate reality we inhabit, we were going to just up and go to Jamaica instead of torturing ourselves with this frickin’ wedding.
Right after I hung up with Mom, my grandmother (Mom’s mother) called. Grandma is a licenced minister and is scheduled to officiate in the wedding. So I invited her to come to Jamaica with us, since she is perhaps the least enthused of any of us. It took me a few minutes to convince her that we weren’t serious.
Seriously. Grandma has… shall we say… a reality disconnect. Tonight it worked in reverse.
Anyway, once she got that she was really into this plan. But this is the reason I wanted the blog.
Grandma: I really love the way they dance in Jamaica. I wonder if we could take the time to go dancing?
Me: (after savoring for a moment the image of Grandma dancing the tango with her cane) Sure, I think we can make time for whatever we want.
Grandma: I used to be so good at dancing, you know… I knew how to jitterbug and foxtrot and everything. (Pause). I think with my knee the way it is now, though, I’d need something more stable to dance with than a human being.
Me: So, what are you going to dance with?
Grandma: Hmm… I think… yes, a pole! That would be perfect!
Me: A pole? (I might have sounded like I was choking here).
Grandma: Yes. I mean, not a big one, not like a pillar on a building or anything… just big enough to get my hands around.
(It took me a second to wrap my head around that image).
Me: So…. you’re going to pole dance? (I couldn’t help it. I specks I’se the wickedest critter).
Grandma:Yeah! Do you think it would work? Would that be stable enough??
Me: (now I’m actively snickering) Grandma…. do you know what pole dancing is?
Grandma: (She isn’t dumb. She’s starting to smell a trap here.) No…
So I told her.
Grandma: WHAT???!!! And you LED ME ON like that??!! You are JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER!!!!!
butterflyayesha 